Mary and Mr. Collins: the Pride and Prejudice fan-fic

I recently watched Pride and Prejudice with some friends, and this is the result. The sketch is a little bit like imitation crab-meat, in that it is entirely based on my remembrance of the substance of Jane Austen's prose and probably does not resemble it at all.

 Chapter One

Whenever the affable Mr. Collins made mention of his cousin Mary Bennett, he never indicated any improper feeling toward the lady. He said nothing of her that would impugn his own character, from the moment he first realized that his affections might sway from her sister Elizabeth. It was a matter of honor for Mr. Collins, that he not show favor to too many of the Bennett sisters. Changing his plans from acquiring Jane to courting Elizabeth was permissible; but marrying Mary would have been one Bennett too far. 

In truth, Mr. Collins always fancied that Mary Bennett would have suited him better, even if she was the plainest of her sisters. It was his woefully high standards of character that kept him from true happiness. His married life was not quite satisfactory. Charlotte was a fine choice, a wonderful woman, but Mr. Collins was not convinced that their marriage was as complete as it could have been. The main difference between he and his wife was that she was not much of a reader, whereas he was quite fond of the habit. There was also a reluctance on her part to spend time in the same room as her husband, which he did not notice at first. As the years passed, he became aware of a skulking unhappiness that began to affect his sermon-making.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh began to comment on the flagging enthusiasm of his delivery, and noted that "had she been a member of the clergy, she would have delivered her sermons each Sunday with great aplomb."

Mr. Collins attempted to correct this slight dip in fervor. Nevertheless, he continued to have occasional weeks when he was simply too grave for church.

It was many years later that Mr. Collins embarked for Longbourn, which he was finally to claim from the Bennett family. Only Mary and Lydia Bennett lived there now and they would soon find other arrangements. Mr. Collins traveled to Longbourn with his daughter Maria. His wife Charlotte, of fifteen years, was recently deceased. Nothing remained that could separate Mr. Collins from pondering his earlier choices with regret.

***

And there ends the first chapter of a troubling romance which can only be increasingly awkward and uncomfortable.